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Honesty is the best policy

YOUNG EPIMENIDES tried to answer Gaea. But he found it difficult to speak with a mouthful of sticky barley ptisan. Not that he would have told her the truth anyway.

``Are you going to hear Kalanos the Brachmane speak today?'' Gaea repeated, this time turning to face Epimenides and brushing aside her dark curly locks to reveal her sharp features making it clear she demanded an immediate answer.

``I don't know Gaea'' He said when he finally managed to swallow his food. ``I haven't decided yet.''

The truth is, Epimenides knew very well that he was going. His father was one of the ten privileged members of the Kosmoi of Crete and was, in fact, in charge of attending to the foreigner Kalanos. He would be speaking to the gathering first that day and would be introducing Kalanos to them before the assembled Cretans had a chance to listen to the strange foreigner from the land of the five rivers. It was widely rumored that Kalanos had unusual mental powers and could work magic. People hoped that he would be able to demonstrate some of it at his speech that day.

Epimenides didn't have the slightest doubt that he will miss Kalanos' speech. His father had insisted that he should come along and converse with the noble foreigner. Epimenides himself enjoyed listening to descriptions and stories from far-away lands. He even intended to become an ambassador like Gaea's father when he grew up. Then he would then be able to spend at least half of every year in a foreign land. So why did he lie to Gaea, his closest friend and future wife? You see, Epimenides believed in this nasty superstition that if he said something to someone, then it might turn out to be false. Since he desperately wanted to go and hear Kalanos speak that day, and perhaps watch a few magic tricks, he didn't commit himself to Gaea. What if it turned out that he couldn't go?

Gaea hid her disappointment at his answer. She really liked Epimenides and wished that he would be as truthful to her as she was to him. But all she ever got from him were vague non-answers to her questions or outright lies, as if Epimenides didn't trust her.

Epimenides liked Gaea too. He thought she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world and was glad that their parents had betrothed them to each other. But this complicated matters even more. Since he desired to be in her company, he would often refuse Gaea's invitations to work or play together in the fear that he might not be able to make it, and then turn up in surprise at her house.

Needless to say, these strange behavioral patterns of Epimenides didn't endear him to his friends or their families. But things were to become much worse soon. Up till now, Epimenides had only believed in a silly superstition. If he had accidentally been truthful on occasion, it wouldn't have mattered. But that was all to change after Epimenides met Kalanos.

That evening, Kalanos spoke of many things. The audience listened in rapt attention as he told them of the many exotic birds, beasts and fishes that inhabited his country. He then spoke of his people and their fine clothing, of their lives and of various other things which only grown ups could understand. Finally he demonstrated his special powers. He brought out long rope from a bag and sang to it. As the audience watched enraptured, the rope unwound itself and stood straight like a pillar. Kalanos climbed up the rope, disappeared into what looked like a cloud and came back down with a gem-studded golden vase. He then commanded the rope to collapse, which it faithfully did, after which he put it back inside his bag and presented the golden vase to Porphyros, Epimenides' father.

The amazed Porphyros thanked the dark foreigner, wished him well for the rest of his stay in Crete and formally ended the session. Later, as the crowed dispersed, Porphyros turned to Kalanos and said that he wished him to talk to his son and educate him in the cultures of a foreign land. He summoned Epimenides, introduced him to Kalanos and left to join his wife who was talking to their neighbour some distance away.

Although Kalanos had been in their town of Gortyna for over 7 days already, this was the first time Epimenides had actually come face to face with him. The tall foreigner looked formidable in person, with piercing eyes set in a dark face that seemed even darker in contrast to his long white beard which covered most of his face.

He looked admiringly at the handsome Epimenides. ``You look like a fine and intelligent young Yavana'' he said. Yavana was the word he used to address the people of Crete. ``Porphyros must be lucky to have you for a son.''

``I guess so'' said Epimenides, not wanting to confirm it for fear that he may turn out to be a dullard and not wanting to deny it for fear of seeming undeservedly modest.

``Your father tells me that you are interested in foreign countries. Are you planning to become an ambassador?''

``No sir.'' said Epimenides who was very concerned that if he agreed, he might not become an ambassador.

``That's strange'' said a puzzled Kalanos. ``I was told that you are going to marry Gaea, the daughter of Ganytos who is the ambassador to my country and were going to succeed him. Is that not true?''

``How unfortunate'' thought Epimenides. He certainly didn't want to lose Gaea by saying something stupid now.

``No sir. Gaea and I do not plan to marry.'' said Epimenides trying rather unsuccessfully to keep as straight a face as possible.

But just then, Gaea passed by them on her way home with her father. ``Epimenides! I knew you were going to come.'' She said. ``Why didn't you tell me so when I asked you at the Andreia? After all, we are to going to marry each other. Aren't we?'' With that she walked away angrily.

Epimenides turned to face an offended Kalanos. ``Sir, I can explain...'' he said.

But Kalanos didn't let him continue. ``Well, it's just as your father said to me. You have a nasty habit of lying, young Yavana. In my country it is considered an insult to be lied to. I am deeply offended. When a Brachmane is offended it is our custom to curse the offender.''

``But I don't want to lie. It's just that...'' Epimenides desperately wanted to say. But it was too late. Kalanos had by then already made up his mind.

``I hereby curse you'' he said ``that anything you say about the future will be falsified. Since you like to lie so much, consider this a blessing. You won't have to make an effort any more.''

So saying, Kalanos waved his hands. In a sudden flash of light, two little black winged creatures appeared. ``These are Satos and Asatos, the two imps of my spell who will be visible only to you. They will follow you everywhere and make sure that your every word about the future is made untrue.''

After thus cursing Epimenides, Kalanos didn't listen to a single word of explanation or apology and left in a huff to join a group of attendants waiting on him to be taken to his living quarters.

At first Epimenides didn't realise the full impact of the curse, except for the having to put up with the constant annoyance of the two imps perpetually following him and listening to his every word. But with time, he began to feel the strain of being forced to lie about everything, including trivial matters which he had overlooked in the past.

Why, one evening he accidentally answered an enquiring friend that he was going to go to the market. But no sooner than he had said it Satos and Asatos immediately caused him to trip and break his leg so he had to be carried home instead. Every little thing had to be carefully thought over and its repercussions understood before he actually said anything at all. All this additional care and effort in saying exactly the correct untruths started to take their toll on Epimenides. To makes matters worse, he dared not even talk to anyone about the curse for fear that his father might discover he had annoyed his esteemed guest. He started to become silent and withdrawn and not speak much at all, and when he did say something, it was a carefully constructed lie.

Obviously, people are not exceedingly fond of such persons. It is no surprise therefore, that Epimenides began to be called a pessimist who always had dreary visions of the future since he always predicted the worst (knowing that by doing so he would have averted it). Many also called him Epimenides the liar. His reputation sank so low that several parents forbade their children from being in his company. ``That boy'' they would say ``has no respect for people. Not a word of truth escapes his lips.''

Finally, even Gaea's parents began to ostracise him. One day Gaea came to him and said that they were planning to move to mainland Greece and that her father was even going to break their betrothal. He didn't want to marry off his daughter to a liar, however respectable his father might be. Moreover, he was going to see to it that Epimenides was not going to succeed him as an ambassador.

Epimenides was thoroughly alarmed by these developments. He immediately ran to the residence of Kalanos and pleaded with him to break this wretched curse that was wreaking havoc with his life. But Kalanos flatly refused.

``It is only in my power to curse people'' he said. ``I cannot break my own spell.''

``Am I doomed to live the rest of my life as an ostracised liar then? Oh please, sir. I have learnt my lesson. I must treat people with dignity and respect their right to have correct answers. Can you not free me from this awful curse?'' Epimenides asked despondently.

``No, I'm afraid I cannot. However...''

``However what, venerable sir?'' interrupted the eager young Epimenides.

``...there is something you can say to break the spell yourself.''

``What must I say?'' asked Epimenides.

``I'm afraid I cannot tell you that either.'' said Kalanos.

``Tell me at least this sir'' said Epimenides respectfully. ``Will I find out at all? Can you tell me this from your vision of the future?''

Kalanos smiled sagaciously at Epimenides. ``No Yavana. I cannot tell you for certain for I do not have a vision of the future. But I am confident that you will break the spell and when you do, you would have learnt a great deal about this world and will make a worthy son to your noble father.''

With that, Kalanos stroked the head of the young Yavana and retired back into his house.

Epimenides thought long and hard about the curse. He tried to recite all the words he had learnt in school in various orders. But Asatos and Satos didn't flinch an inch. They were always there, hovering right above his head. He even tried to coin words that didn't exist and say them, often sounding funny to himself. But the imps wouldn't budge.

Again several miserable days of falsification followed. Satos and Asatos practically enjoyed their job, jumping at each chance to falsify Epimenides. Poor Epimenides was growing weary from his problem. At last he couldn't take it any more. Tomorrow Gaea's father was going to speak to Porphyros and formally break their betrothal. That night, when Epimenides went to bed, he was almost in tears, in total regret for all the lies he had told before being cursed by Kalanos.

So desperate was he that when he finally dreamed about the solution to his problem in the early hours of the next morning, he was instantly awoken by his subconscious urge to try virtually anything. The cure to his curse was now clear. It had apparently popped into his head in his sleep. Not wasting a single instant, he ran immediately to Gaea's house and awoke her.

Half asleep still and totally surpised, Gaea asked him what the matter was. It was not usual for the children to wake up this early when their fathers were getting ready to go to work.

``Gaea, I am going to be honest with you. There is a reason I have been lying to everybody.'' said Epimenides. ``I have been cursed by Kalanos. ``In fact, even this very statement of mine will turn out to be false.''

Triggered into action as usual by a prediction, Asatos and Satos jumped in glee. ``Let's falsify him, let's falsify him'' they shouted. ``He said that his statement will turn out to be false''

``I'll falsify that'' said Satos ``I will arrange things so that his statement will in fact remain true.''

But Asatos berated him ``You idiot. If what he told her was true, then it was indeed false... Let me unfalsify his statement.''

``But then if it was false then he was telling her the truth. So I must un-unfalsify it'' said Satos.

``And if he was telling her the truth, then it was indeed false. I must un-un-unfalsify it'' said Asatos

``And if it was false, then he was indeed telling her the truth. I must un-un-un-unfalsify it.'' repeated Satos.

They kept saying this back and forth, falsifying and unfalsifying his statement faster and faster, until all that Epimenides could hear was a high pitched ``un-un-un...'' When he looked behind him, he found the two imps facing each other, not in the least interested in what he was going to say next.

They were saying and doing the same things over and over again, as if locked into an eternity of paradoxical actions and reactions. They grew tired and weary, but couldn't stop themselves from resolving what seemed to be a fundamental problem of their universe to them. They grew weaker and weaker right in front of his eyes. When imps grow weak, their bodies grow transparent. The humm of their rapid verbal exchanges became softer and softer as the imps exhausted themselves. At last they vanished completely.

``I'll never lie again Gaea. I assure you'' Epimenides said. He hugged Gaea. ``I shall speak to your father and ask his forgiveness immediately. I shall see to it that our betrothal is not broken.''

On his way home from Gaea's house, Epimenides could still imagine Satos and Asatos arguing endlessly as to what they should do next. But he couldn't care less about the imps any more. From then on, he decided, ``Honesty was the best policy'' and went on to live a long life of 200 years as a prophet who only told truths about the future.

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on January 1, 1997 12:00 PM.

The previous post in this blog was The Guardian.

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